nothing uncommon

old friends, new friends
the inbetween friends that never get addressed
I'm a mess
a dried lake bed
who dreams of moisture
rain clouds and perfect compositions
a hometown from another state
or another country
a longing that can be felt in the teeth
way below what the kids see
everything was installed correctly
but I'm wired all wrong
suck cess, but never success for me
which leaves what?
what do I have to show you?
what can be measured of it all?
if this meant nothing to you
it'd still be centered
I'm everything I wanted to be
everything I worked for
I hate my job
I hate my skin
I hate my circumstances
but I love this
whole heartedly
no apologies
to you, my family, or those left of center
the one way in is the one way out
and we're all getting out
so get in

truth and untruth

I use to think no one could love me
when I slept on the bench's in audobon park
ordered coffee so I could sit in the coffee shops while it rained
walked ten blocks out of the way to read at the library
made friends with winos and perverts
I use to think no one could love me
when I spent christmas in the hospital
disappeared without a trance after the movies
played guitar for change by the foutain
now I'm sure
as sure as 23 is the end all, be all to immaculate knowledge
the world is black and white, happiness and saddness, truth and untruth
if you're an idiot like me
completely commit

my family chree

I'm hungry and cold
I'm not that hungry and cold
I did this a few times senior year
in and out of different wombs
Always felt like shit
flushed myself and moved on
Then I hit a real hungry and cold
A hungry and cold in my bones and joints
Found there was a cold and hungry that didn't have much to do with food or temperture
Apologies to tree's I fell out of
Apologies to the tree's that I burned, rolled, or uprooted
But I think I'm full and warm now

saturdays, circa 94

We smoke around the scanner
listen to the stereo crackle
Listen to the pigs chatter
Some juicy developement will reveal itself
It always does on saturdays
It's a busy night for both sides
your side
their side
the good, the bad, and the speeding
Wait, is that paul they have pulled over on tupelo?
Nah, no warrants
Had me worried
His probation officer has been riding him lately

weak, really weak

If I ever say it again. Tie me to an old ford axle and keep me in the backyard. Then train me to fight, bite, and kill. Weak is common, I want to be the old me. Sleeping on park benches, no friends, no life, just this thing I could do when I had a guitar. Weak are those with plenty.

a pen in a wheelchair

This room smells like old towels. The fan keeps the odor stirred and unsettled. Half the bed is for me and the other half is for my glasses, books, plastics bags, and pens. I hear the items shift when I reposition myself at night. The tiger above my head watches me sleep. No soft I love you's this year. I could handle the big lonely if my pen wasn't recovering as well. Damn the jewish carpenter's birthday.

23 years of blue notes

borrowing emotions, lend the rights to vacant rooms
lost as the best, blue notes to thank
singing your hymns
there's a dollar to be made but no smell to wash off
kids never knew your name
a chorus when you're long gone
praise for those who never wanted a word
stealing discord, thieves in the speaker
a fist for a pick to capture the holy
birthed from southern air
god gave me a voice to mimic your genius
kids will never know your name
so where do we go with all this tension?
where do i go with caustic idealism?
where do we go?
the woodshed with us
to reinvent the blue notes

yeah dude, the road

looking at these ad's, final quarter before the holidays
we're not talking sports
it's money
the green shit is why we're not together but that's okay
cause I'll work two jobs for us, I'll meet you on the other side
don't move
I'll be there again in six months
and i won't hold a grudge, cause I've been chasing you for four years
at 23, it'd seem silly to stop now

moderation, in

the steps forward
soon are same steps that we take back
leaning on chain link fences by the skate park
to drinking and listening to corey smith sing about beer on sundays
a prophet of vinyl siding and fast food salads
I'd like to order a gallon of diet cola with my extra large fries and salad
I'm watching my weight
my addiction
the sky
expand and contract
and my future is closing in

lions in the chess circuit

God damn the streets around my house, in my small southern city. Coffin nails to wild ambition, a muzzle for the bark of youth.

Saw a lady at the spirits store asking for captain morgan with a baby on her hip and I thought, wonder what captain would taste like mixed with baby formula? Funny story bout the happenstance at which I arrived at this spiritual clusterfuck. I had to make a run to the conjoined liberty inn/ spirits store for my manager. See, he's not quite old enough to buy his own liquer but he's plenty old enough to run pj's pizza place. Very respectable guy. He's got his boots laced well and keeps his nose clean and his belly filled with liquid courage.